Attention Ardent Patriots and Illegal Immigrants looking to quell suspicion:
This weekend, America celebrates the best holiday ever handed down to us from God, Independence Day!
For those who don't know (commie traitors), July 4th is the day that true God-fearing, rifle-toting Americans commemorate the struggles of our forefathers, who threw off the yolk of tyranny in favor of the shackles of LIBERTY!
On a day when we celebrate INDEPENDENCE, what could be more appropriate than to take some of that tax money that you're NOT paying to King George and use it to support INDEPENDENT WRESTLING???
This Fourth of July, we here at the RandomThings family encourage you to remember that Independence Day is more than just the highest-grossing film Randy Quaid ever lucked his way into...it's also a day on which we get together with fellow countrymen to remember the sacrifices of our ancestors...sacrifices that they gladly made so that we could barbecue and get completely shit-faced without fear of Redcoat harassment. With that firmly in mind, we are proud to extend to you the Red, White, and Booze SALE - US Customers get FREE SHIPPING for ANY ORDER from now until 7/08 using the discount code: MERICA
We're also offering 10% off any order of $44 or more using the code: AboveGroundPool
In addition to that, we're RE-instituting the previously-used 'WarDeathFucking' discount code, which knocks 25% off of any order equal to or exceeding $125.00!
AND THAT'S NOT ALL! For those of you in the market for some fashionable headwear this season, we're offering $5 off all hats with the discount code: HatTrick
GodDAMN, we're generous!
PLEASE NOTE: All Discount Codes Are Case-Sensitive and Must Be Typed Exactly As Written: AboveGroundPool, HatTrick, WarDeathFucking, and--last but certainly not least-- MERICA
Hoist your flag, get at least 10 hot dogs down ya, and raise a glass to FREEDOM.
And may we also advise an eagle tattoo?